...one ridiculous product at a time. Today: The Burger King aftershave
"The scent of seduction, with a hint of flame-broiled meat"
Last night I had a bizarre dream which, upon waking, I couldn't decide if it fell into the category of 'absolute nonsense' or if I should add it to the 'well done Kev, it's another diamond' list of ideas. After a few moments of careful consideration I decided it was somewhere between the two, almost certainly exists and that I should go for the pee I so desperately needed.
For those curious cats amongst you, this is what happened in my dream:
I was in a school classroom. There were tables laid out to form the perimeter of a large square where I sat along with 15 or so classmates and a teacher prowling around the centre. To my right was a lady called Janine, who was the team leader at my first ever office job some 6 years ago, to my left was a girl who looked like a mole. The small animal, not a cancerous lump. She was a receptionist from one of the major labels, apparently, and her manager just so happened to be our teacher today: Bill Buchanan from 24. Anyone just joining us here I'd like to point out that this is a dream, not reality. I don't want any emails from people calling me a liar, I'm aware Mr Buchanan is a fictional character. The former head of CTU was giving us a lesson on the music industry, focusing on promotional ideas and ways to increase awareness of your artists within the crowded field of competition. I was daydreaming and not paying very much attention. The mole girl passed me some sort of note which I glanced at, screwed up and tossed on the floor. Even my subconscious wasn't up for it. Suddenly Bill points at me and asks a question. "If you wanted to bring a new band to somebodies attention as quickly as possible through the medium of a recorded music release, how would you do it?" - CRAP! I should know this, I've been thinking a lot about this lately. All of the fat men (ideas) rushed towards the exit (my mouth) at the same time, causing some sort of blockage meaning nobody could get out. "erm... erm... A CD...?" I candidly ask. "No Kevin" says Bill sternly "that's a terrible idea. You won't get anywhere unless you're willing to think creatively." The bell rang for the end of class. Shame faced I packed up my belongings and trudged towards the door. Off to Publishing next, maybe I'll do better there?
This is when I woke up and started to think about the idea. I'm not suggesting we should start a school full of ugly people and fictional teachers, but short, concise courses in the music industry using a format we're all familiar with. None of this 3 years learning every technical detail and theory bullshit, let the pupils get on and learn some real life experience in the industry, but just give them a helping hand to get started first.
Imagine a school where bands, artists, journalists, budding record label owners, larger companies new employees and the music entrepreneurs of tomorrow could attend a one day course, moving between classrooms like the old school days, learning in hour-long lessons from experienced teachers before heading out for a cheeky fag behind the bikesheds and a crisp sandwich for lunch. First period is record label basics: the jobs you need to take on and where to turn for help, second is publishing: how it works, why it's useful, third is live music booking, fourth is band management, fifth is music, obviously, and sixth is P.E. By the end of the day you have notes and a basic yet solid understanding of each aspect of the industry. You catch the bus home, drop your bag in and go straight out to play football with your mates before you Mum starts shouting that tea's on the table.
Who's up for regressing with me?