Friday, 16 January 2009

Out of Office - Gambling!

Another week, another day off. I have a small hangover and have decided that I'm going to follow last weeks day of NFL watching with another equally productive, sofa-based activity: gambling!

Times are hard right now so what better way to increase my finances than by doubling my money through betting? There's just not enough independent record labels funded by gambling these days.

I'll be updating this blog (and Twitter) throughout the afternoon with my progress, winnings and hot tips. It'll be like an afternoon out at the bookies with your favourite disgusting tramp.

On your marks, get set... GO!


13:58 - Just bet on a horse in the 2pm at Chepstow simply because his name is 'Slayer' - 65/1. I'm such a prick.

14:00 - Come on you stupid nag!

14:02 - Already in last place...

14:04 - Commentator: "Slayer's jumping is going from bad to worse, he's now 12 lengths behind." Next!

14:11 - Snooker seems like a stupid sport to bet on, lets have a look

14:14 - Just bet on Maguire to be in the lead after first 4 frames because the compere introduced him as "he's on fire... it's Stephen Maguire!" It's fair to say that I never learn

14:18 - Maguire building a promising break, this will take him 2-1 up and set me on my way to a glorious win

14:22 - Shit! Maguire misses the black and lets Robertson in. 55 point lead but worried now

14: 26 - Maguire still winning 55 - 29 but Robertson has just missed and let him back in. I've never been so nervous whilst watching this sport!

14:28 - Maguire snookers Robertson who misses 4 times in a row! My boy's back at the table and has enough points to secure the frame. A hard-earned victory which has left me on the verge of a heart attack... and he still needs to win the next frame to net me my £3.08! Can I just have my stake back please?!

14:39 - Maguire keeps potting reds and having bad luck leaving him without easy shots on the colours. I've got pins and needles. A big break is what's needed

14:50 - Oh God... He's missed. Another worrying safety game and there's still just enough points left on the table for Robertson to claw this back

14:52 - Robertson nearly flukes a red. I pretty much wet myself

14:54 - YES! £3.08 winnings puts me £1.08 in profit. That's nearly an hours work, might take a walk down to McDonald's for a job application in a minute. Need to roll my winnings on first...

15:06 - Gonna place a massive accumulator on this weekends football fixtures. Live sports are too stressful!

15:22 - Derby (Nigel Clough's first home game in charge) to beat QPR (who've only one once away from home) is a tempting bet. Might stake one of our bands on it, I wonder what they're worth to a bookies?

15:32 - Done. Chelsea, Sunderland, Coventry, Crystal Palace, Derby, Norwich, Millwall and Peterborough to all win tomorrow. Potential winnings of £369.92. That'll do, it'll pay half of our next CD pressing!

15:50 - Just put an old Jimmy Eat World DVD I forgot I had on to try and inspire me. With the £2 staked on the above accumulator I'm now 92p down for today. Need to win it back! But how...?

15:52 - Does anyone know what the sport 'Bandy' is? 'Cos I just put a couple of quid on Sweden to beat Norway, which will win me a massive 32p.

16:55 - Got sidetracked by emails and trying to find a decent website to play poker on. I fear this may be the end of my gambling day. Roll on tomorrow when my small footballing seed blossoms...


jen said...

john, i know you're in the middle of an amazingly productive and profitable day, but can you take just 1 minute out of it to reply to my email. it is actually something important for once.

and whyyyyyy did you bet on coolio to win big brother?!
go mini-me.

Kev said...

Alright alright, I'll send you the bits you need later on. Gotta stay focussed on my gambling for now though! You'll be happy when I'm rich

jen said...

thankyou :)
good luck gambling, only like a thousand left to go then you can afford to buy me a ticket to new york.

Anonymous said...

Bandy is a scandinavian version of ice hockey! They use a ball rather than a puck though!

Kev said...

Thanks, Anonymous!

I wonder if any UK TV channels broadcast Swedish Bandy games? hmm