What's really going on in the world

After last months forray into the depths of my spam folder, picking my way through the wealth of Paris Hilton abuse and promises of a "longer weapon", it's time to take another sneaky peak and report - exclusively to you, dear (nay, troubled) readers - what's really going on in the world this week.

"Denzil Washington knew which herbal supplement to take" - Good ol' Denzil. I always knew he had good taste in herbal supplements. I'm pleased for him.

"Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson and Paris Hilton unite against homeless people" - And the homeless are quaking in their boots, I'm sure. Unfortunately we'll never know as I opted not to continue reading Rajan Thawley's important email having been distracted by...

"Britney Spears shaves head at request of zombie overlord" - I always suspected this, it just makes perfect sense. Thanks, Rosario Achara.

"Paris Hilton Groundhog Day controversy update" - "Paris Hilton Groundhog Day controversy update" - "Paris Hilton Groundhog Day controversy update" - "Paris Hilton Groundhog Day controversy update" - "Paris Hilton Groundhog Day controversy update" - "Paris Hilton Groundhog Day controversy update" - "Paris Hilton Groundhog Day controversy update" - "Paris Hilton Groundhog Day controversy update"

Do you see what I did there? Genius. But all incredibly funny jokes aside, this is a very serious matter. Poor old Paris stuck in her repetitive little world, scared out of her tiny blonde head. At least she can go running about on a giant piano.

Oh no, hold on, that was Big wasn't it?

"Your love rod is set to set her on fire" - Does anyone have a manual? I should probably change the setting before something terrible happens.

But the reward of Spam Of The Week this week goes to Dimitri Hajric for this little gem: "Paris Hilton excited to have French city named after her"

Good night!