Mr BT arrived (late, naturally), had a look at my phoneline, said "ah, erm, right", went outside, climbed a pole, pleaded with the Telephony Gods (TBC) and hey presto, it was fixed. I do seem to remember him muttering something about them accidently routing our telephone line through to the flat upstairs, although I'm sure they wouldn't make a little mistake like that. Any surprised readers, raise your hand now. Nobody? But I thought everybody trusted British Telecom? Either way, the good news is that I'm back online, the bad news is that it's via a dial-up connection.
Ah, 1994, long time no hear.
Right, yes, I understand, of course, I'll return your internet connection to you asap, no problem.
You're right, this is the 21st century, I really should have broadband.
Slow..... As............ Funk
I'm now going to celebrate by slowly downloading some MP3s, beating the screen as 90% of websites fail to load, pour a large drink as I naively wait for my emails to flood in without a hitch and then fall asleep on the keyboard to the sound of a million modem to phoneline bleeps. 12 long days and counting, come back Sky Broadband! All is forgiven