Friday, 29 August 2008


Where did all the The's go? It wasn't all that long ago that everywhere you looked bands were pre-fixed by The. It was out of hand. Now, it would seem, that the latest fashion is one-word names. Secondsmile, Mimas, Tubelord, Pennines, Blakfish, Anathallo, Itch, Jeniferever, Jairus, heck that's just the BSM affiliates. I then think about my favourite new and unsigned bands: Native, Calories, Tropics, Shapes, Capitals. They're all at it! Kids these days just don't have time for those extra three letters. I might start dropping the word from every sentence I write. Only problem with that is confusion I might cause to readers and anyone reading blog from this point will think I am biggest simpleton in world. That would be taking piss.

Anyway, news...

Mimas brilliant album, 'The Worries', is available to pre-order from now, as promised yesterday. Anyone coming to see them on tour next week? Cos you should, you know. London Barfly on Tuesday with This Town Needs Guns, Pennines and Colour will be especially amazing.

In geographically related news, Secondsmile play the afternoon mattinee Drowned In Sound Rota club tomorrow (Saturday) afternoon. It's at the Notting Hill Arts Club in, you guessed it, Notting Hill, and will be on stage around 6pm I think. As per usual it's free entry and doors open at 4. They're joined on stage by Envy And Other Sins (genuinely couldn't remember if their name was supposed to have a 'The' in it) and Brontide, featuring Will, ex-I Was A Cub Scout. Should be a good un.

Thursday, 28 August 2008

Crowd surfing and Secondsmiling

Did you hear Tubelord in session on Radio One last night? If you did, you may also have heard Pulled Apart By Horses live from Reading festival? A good night on the wireless, even if I say so myself.

Mimas albums have just turned up and look amazing. We already knew they sounded amazing, that's a given. They'll be available to pre-order from later on this afternoon as well as at their UK tour dates early next month. Check the dates, and a freshly uploaded album track, 'Dads', up at

Here's a BBC news video of Tom, PABH's singer having a little crowd surf at Leeds festival. At least he wasn't puking this time.

Tuesday, 26 August 2008

Paris Hilton

Poor old Paris Hilton. It's not every day you'll hear me say that but having just emptied my spam folder and realised to what an extent the world of evil trojan horse and malicious email villains detest the hotel heiress, I can't help but feel a tiny empathetic twinge.

"Paris Hilton infested with cockroaches" claims Mirela Thomsen. Visions of Papa Roach videos aside, that's quite a nasty rumour to be starting there, Mirela. "Paris Hilton vows not to write book until she reads one first" snipes Linn Dente. And then there's my favourite, "Paris Hilton tosses dwarf on the street" from Arif Katajapuro. Wow, Arif, simply wow. Knowing full well that clicking 'play' on the attached video would rip my computer to shreds in seconds, the little red lad with the forked tail on my left shoulder still couldn't offer enough positive support to the idea. Chances like this don't come up often, and I am partial to the odd dwarf throwing video, as my good friend Mr Katajapuro has astutely picked up on. He knows me so well.

"Hilton tells Lampard "I'm pregnant and it's yours!" Mourinho say he's proud!" brings about many questions, not least as to what role Jose Mourinho plays in this story. Strange how Fat Frank would opt to turn to him with this matter. Maybe we could push Paris out of this equation and instead bring in ex-Chelsea skamp, Dennis Wise for some sort of Three Men And A Baby-esque hilarity?

Whilst the above all take a very dim view others do leap to the blonde dickheads defence. "Paris Hilton discovers cure for cancer at home, in her spare time" Willy Esertas declares hopefully, pants ablaze. What Willy is cleverly implying here, you'll notice, is not only is Paris clever enough to discover a cure for one of the world's biggest killers, something which thousands our best doctors and billions of pounds have not been able to do, but Ms Hilton can do it in her spare time. You can picture it now: She spends the morning walking around LA carrying a gay little dog in her bag, the afternoon is spent on the sunbed, the evening is filled with cocktails and pool parties and then, between her butler brushing her teeth and the latest man of choice tucking her into bed, she takes a second to pop down to the lab and make a note of the world-changing formula. Amazing. You go, girl!

"Paris Hilton: The day I found out Gary Glitter is my Dad" seems as good a way as any to end this round-up of my spam folder. Next week I'll be following up on the below lead from Homer Leopold.

Stay tuned.

Golden Nuggets

So Reading Festival was everything I'd hoped it would be. Myself and drinking buddy, Massive Patten, polished off a litre of vodka in record time whilst drinking buddy number two, Manus, had downed a bottle of fake Bailey's before we'd even reached the festival site. A messy day hanging out with friends in the guest area and trying to blag steaks ensued, accompanied by massive sets from Get Cape, Dizzee Rascal and many more. Taking Back Sunday were disappointed and stuck a large rusty nail into my teenage emo memories. The bastards. The highlight, however, was of course Pulled Apart By Horses. Drawing the largest crowd of the day to the BBC Introducing stage they ripped through their short set cracking out all of their hits-to-be, finishing on forthcoming single 'Meat Balloon', of which you can watch a video, below:

At the end you might notice singer Tom with a lovely streak of pukey dribble hanging down from his mouth after some poor, unsuspecting sole in the crowd was drenched. Too much booze? Too many drugs? The heat? What made him so sick? Talking after the gig I posed the quetion: "No no... I had Golden Nuggets for breakfast." Rock and roll.

Thursday, 21 August 2008

Reading festival

I'm off to Reading festival tomorrow morning. From the age of 17 I've been every year, opting to camp for 4 (and in some madcap cases, 5) nights in huddled circles of friends. Cans of sausages and beans, crouching over horrid toilets, freezing nights, idiots recreating the Jackass highlights reel, 4am shouts of "bollocks", guys in dresses, girls in over their heads, festival camping is an essential part of any music loving youths upbringing. Well good news folks, I'm all grown up.

With the camping curiosity bugged safely ticked off my list, one day is the only way from here on and as such I'll be back home and tucked safely up in my bed by the early hours of the morning. A million miles from the adolescent plastic fires of yesteryear.

For anyone else in attendance this weekend: Get Cape Wear Cape Fly on the main stage at 12.45pm and Pulled Apart By Horses on the BBC Introducing Stage at 3.30pm is all you need to know. See you down the front.

Yours, in growing old gracefully.

Good start

Yesterday we announced the Pulled Apart By Horses single news and that very evening the lovely Huw Stephens gives them not one, but two plays on Radio One! First was 'I Punched A Lion In The Throat', along with a short interview with the brilliantly named guitarist, James Brown, on his 9pm show, and then that was followed by Steve from Blood Red Shoes picking 'High Five Swan Dive Nose Dive' on the 12am show. Listen back to them both here.

Anyone watch the England game last night? Same old shit, hey? I left at half-time. Went home and cooked turkey escalopes, which are essentially mis-shapen turkey burgers with names to please posh people.

Here's a picture of Bernard Matthews and his mate:

Wednesday, 20 August 2008


On October 27th Big Scary Monsters will be releasing the debut single from noisy macho men, Pulled Apart By Horses! The Leeds mob have been kicking up quite a storm recently with their naked gymnastics of a live show and have already pricked the ears of Radio One, Xfm, Artrocker, Kruger and many more. 'Meat Balloon' will be released on limited edition 7" (with free CD and comic) and digital download. Check the band out live on the BBC Introducing stage at this weekends Reading (on stage at 3.30pm) and Leeds festival (3.15pm). Many more live dates to be announced shortly. See to satisfy your aural needs.

Tuesday, 19 August 2008

The 2 Pigs

The ink in the printer has run out. Gutted. Having made a quick Google search to find a local business which provides a refill service (of which there are disappointingly few in Oxford) I found this interesting line: Printer's ink is apparently the third most expensive liquid in the world by weight. Didn't know that did you? Go forth and impress your loved ones and spend the day safe in the knowledge that Blog Scary Monsters has improved your life.

Last night we went to see Tubelord and Blakfish at the 2 Pigs in Cheltenham, part of their mammoth 28 date UK tour. Good to catch up with the lads again and hear the many gathering tour stories and a fitting excuse to make my first ever trip to Cheltenham. Essentially a ghost town, there were roughly 20 times more people in the venue than there were on the high street. Tom from Blakfish announced on stage that the human body produces one litre of saliva a day. With this, and the above printer ink in mind, perhaps I should begin a fact of the day feature. It could save lives. Any contributions?

Mimas are here in two weeks. Woop!

Bad news: Unfortunately the This Town Needs Guns/Pennines split single will no longer be released on vinyl. Not for now, anyway. Our original plan was for it to be released in July but due to a number of factors it over-ran and is now very close to the TTNG album, making us worry it may get lost behind that and not receive the full attention it deserves. Therefore we've decided it's probably best to focus our efforts on the full-length for now and hope to bring you a proper, physical Pennines release early in the new year. The split will still be available via iTunes and all other digital music resellers from 22nd September, but you won't find it on a lovely slab of vinyl I'm afraid. Soz.

Now in better news, the new Tubelord single details have been announced. 'I Am Azerrad' will be released via BSM on 29th September and, like with debut single 'Feed Me A Box Of Words', will come with a free CD featuring a bonus third track. To make this release extra special all 500 7"s will be packaged in special, hand-drawn sleeves. Every single one is different. Every. Single. One! OMG WTF etc etc. You can hear 'I Am Azerrad' over at right now and can also get your pre-orders in there, which is probably a good idea. Remember how I told you the last single would sell out quickly and it was gone in a month? Well this one will be quicker. You heard it here first.

And in yet more good news, we'll be announcing a new release from a brand new band tomorrow! Not wanting to put the cat among the pigeons or anything, but it's going to be macho. You'll see.

Monday, 18 August 2008

Every place is a house

Yesterday I went to IKEA. Brilliant, if you're into all of that over-crowded, identikit house madness. Which I'm not, so it wasn't great, but our flat is now looking pretty swish with a 2m long desk running down the side wall, topped by two computers, a couple of printers and a number of speakers.

Are you on Facebook? Of course you are, isn't one in ever seven on there these days? I've just added this little widget to my account and I was wondering if any of you might like to join me? It's the Blog Scary Monsters network and, much like everything on that website, has no real use and will not benefit your life in any way. The only slight perk is that it'll serve to satisfy my curiosity, at least until the next pointless widget crops up.

Widget is a ridiculous word.On Friday we welcomed a new face to the team. A nice lad called Tom came down from High Wycombe for the afternoon to lend myself and Ivano a hand with cutting, folding and sticking 6 Machine sleeves, and join us in eating jam doughnuts and listening to massive tunes. Much to our delight we realised that Tom is a (stanley knifed, free-hand!) perfect circle cutting marvel and his job description was amended accordingly. This Friday his responsibilities will shift to Reading festival where he'll be helping me out with flyering during a couple of bands sets, hopefully not in the rain. Who knows what incredible tasks will crop up the week after? I'm sure Tom can hardly control his excitement. Running a record label isn't always about finding bands and writing pointless blogs, but maybe I'll get him to write a little guest entry to say hi. That's more of a 6-months-in task though, there's plenty more tedious work to get through first.

I fancy some toast, where's Tom when he's needed?!

Thursday, 14 August 2008


It's been a while since I last made some musical recommendations for y'all to lap up like cats around the proverbial milk. Or vaguely peruse like dis-interested casual readers bored at work. Choose whichever category you think you best fit into. Here are the bands rocking my world this week:

I know absolutely nothing about this band except that they're booked by an agency who have just taken Blakfish on in France and they sound a lot like someone I know and like, I just can't figure out who. If you know, please tell me. It's annoying.

These will be the next band to rise from the MMISL/Tubelord/Blakfish/Colour gang I think. Awesome hardcore with real nice melodic moments and some well-timed vocals. I've been told good things about the live show too, but am yet to check them out myself. Note to self: Correct this.

Pulled Apart By Horses
I think I've possibly written about these guys before. They're a bunch of rock n roll loving macho men from Leeds. Another one I need to see live but from what I've heard their shows feature gymnasts, naked men and brutal dancers! Note to self: Never be any of those things in public.

I won't even bother mentioning Native. I think everyone knows my feelings on that one.

Add yourself to this. Anyone clicks 'maybe', they get a punch from this lad:

Olympic Breakfast

I'm all about the early morning BBC One Olympic Breakfast coverage this week. There aren't many things capable of dragging me out of bed at 7am each day but sport is, I'm slightly ashamed to admit, one of the few winners. By 8 this morning I was awake, burning promo CDs, reading and replying to emails, eating cereal and excitedly watching a sport I really don't care about. There's something strangely endearing about the prospect of a person you've never heard of competing in a event you think is rubbish at stupid o' clock in the morning. Right now it's some sort of women's archery event (well, that's exactly what it is) and everytime they let go of the arrow it sounds as though the commentator says "Oh God" which is adding even more anticipation and making emailing very difficult. Come on you Brits!

Have you downloaded the BSM Summer Collection digital sampler from yesterday? I hope so. It's a beaut.

Boxing next. Some Irish lad who skips about a lot. They've even got an Irish commentator involved for this one, it's going to get hairy!

Blakfish and Tubelord joined forces with Simon, Andy and Joel, our loyal BSM podcast crew, earlier this week to record the next episode in the series, in the back of a van parked up near a windy Brighton seafront. You wouldn't get that with the BBC, we keep things real around here! Bringing it back to the masses, etc etc. Anyway, the podcast will be up on and iTunes in a week or two. I for one am excited to hear it. Expect to hear lots of weird things and south London phrases from Tubelord, and lots of out of hand enthusiastic violence from Blakfish.

Irish man is doing well, 2-1 up against Turkey after the first round. I've just started watching series four of 24 where some Turkish people are trying to blow up the world. Come on Ireland, do this one for Jack Bauer! Kiefer's got your back.

Wednesday, 13 August 2008

Summer Collection

Good news, free music lovers: Big Scary Monsters Records are currently offering a free Summer Collection digital sampler, featuring music from all of our recent and upcoming releases including This Town Needs Guns, Secondsmile, Mimas, Blakfish, Pennines and more.

To download the sampler, simply click on the below link:

Please pass this link on to anyone and everyone who may be interested. Thanks.

PS. New music up on Myspace from TTNG and Mimas. Check it.

Tuesday, 12 August 2008

The rain in Spain...

...has nothing on England. It just started to come down so hard a car alarm went off. IN AUGUST!! Summer lovin', my arse.

The Blakfish and Tubelord rock n roll experience continues to trundle its way around the country. 3 dates down, 26 left. So far only 8 policemen and 4 tow trucks have been required. There's lot of life left in this one. Tonight they play Brighton where the BSM Podcast team will be in attendance to record a special episode, guest presented by the two bands. Look out for that up on iTunes in a couple of weeks time.

Monday, 11 August 2008

Bore draws and the Barfly

The new football season is go! The betting account is off to a 100% flyer thanks to Coventry and Birmingham but my Reading supporting expectations took a little knock yesterday as we looked average at best in our 0-0 bore draw. The Prem season kicks off on Saturday and my Fantasy Football team looks like a squad of superhero stallions.

This week we have the This Town Needs Guns/Pennines split 7" and Mimas album going off to be pressed. Both will be available to pre-order very soon, or you could pick them up at a very special London Barfly gig on 2nd September, which will see the three bands along with Colour taking to the stage to fill your ears and hearts with indie joy. claim the gig's taking place on 2nd November. Don't listen, it's pants are on fire.

I'm still listening to Native. This is beyond silly now. I've also been rediscovering the joys of 'The Sattelite Years' by Hopesfall and 'Learning To Accept Silence' by In Pieces though. Probably 8/10 for musical choices today I think.

Tonight I will be mostly eating chicken kievs (dull fact: I went 23 years thinking I hated garlic. Since then I haven't eaten a meal without it), starting work on series 4 of 24, cutting, folding and sticking TTNG album promo sleeves and trying to find a way to fix my beloved, ripped shoes, using only Pritt-Stick and double sided sellotape. Lets just hope it doesn't rain for a while

Friday, 8 August 2008

My God It's Good To See You

Today's the big day. Fingers, toes and noughts crossed, broadband should be back. This is of course all based upon the pointlessly optimistic hope that BT don't mess anything up.

I'm screwed.

Took the afternoon off yesterday to listen to nu-metal and watch football DVDs in preparation for the new season. Hits included 'God Is My Weapon' by Otep, '1845' by One Minute Silence, 'Downfall' by Trust Company, 'Fiveisafourletterword' by the Lostprophets, 'Again And Again' by Taproot, 250 Great Premiership Goals, England's Road To Germany and All The Goals Of World Cup 98. By 4pm I was drunk, by 4am I was toast. No time for a hangover though, I've got records to sell.

Currently listening to Tera Melos

Wednesday, 6 August 2008

Press releases are for pricks

Last night we spent about 4 hours watching African Independence Television. Gotta love Sky. Anyone who's familiar with the UBA advert jingle will know where I'm coming from. (Gem and Jack, I'm pretty much just looking at you two here I think).

Still struggling to write the press release for This Town Needs Guns. I have a draft now which I think is ok, but not sure it's quite perfect. These things are harder than they should be sometimes and in the back of my mind this voice keeps saying "don't write that, you'll sound like a prick writing about a band of pricks playing prick-ish music" which obviously isn't the desired effect. Maybe I should just send a plain white sheet of paper with "This Town Needs Guns - 'Animals' - make up your own minds" printed right in the middle in size 5 Arial?

"You prick, that's your worst idea yet"


"Only pricks use that font"

Yesterday I packaged up loads of mailorders. I've been quietly getting on with them over the last few days so anyone who has been waiting should hopefully have received theirs now, or very soon will be at least. Unlike the last time I moved house and inherrited a new Post Office, so far none of their staff have asked me to sell Fred Kuntz records for them. Trying to explain to a middle aged, stamp licking, man exactly what running a record label entails is actually harder than the job itself sometimes.

Monday, 4 August 2008


I'm really struggling today. I've started about 30 jobs since getting up at 9am but am yet to complete a single one. I thought about unpacking some of the many boxes filling the flat. Couldn't be bothered. Started cutting my hair, got bored, looks idiotically lopsided now. Should correct that. Haven't. Thought about getting on with burning a few promo CDs. Spent two minutes looking through boxes for the wire needed to plug the machine in, got tired, went to Tesco to buy some food. Half-way round the shop decided I'd had enough and left. I think you get the picture, it's been an uninspired 8 or so hours, that's for sure. Right now I'm trying to write the press release for the upcoming This Town Needs Guns album but am really struggling. Lots of words and sentiment bubbling around my mind but seemingly no way to get them out and ordered on the page. Time to give up I think. Blog Scary Monsters won't judge me for my lack of commitment, he always has my back.

Blakfish's new mini-album 'See You In Another City' is out today, I hope that my inbox is quiet because you're all out frantically buying it from any shop still daring to hold onto stock. The guys begin their 29 date(!) tour with Tubelord this week (dates up at I'm opening a sweep on how many arrests are made, how many memories are wiped and how many unsuspecting punters will have their arses rocked off. Place your bets now, ladies and gentlemen.

I have an ulcer the size of Manhattan and it's giving me an incredible amount of jipp. You forget how annoying they are until you get a new one.

Check out page 14 of this weeks Kerrang (with Scars On Broadway on the cover) for a nice full page feature on Secondsmile! Now there's a bunch of friendly faces you could take home to your mum.

I said it last week but I'm going to say it again: Do yourself a favour and listen to Native. Anyone who's into the late Meet Me In St Louis, Dananananaykroyd or Foals will be all over this.

Friday, 1 August 2008

40 kbps

I'm back!

Mr BT arrived (late, naturally), had a look at my phoneline, said "ah, erm, right", went outside, climbed a pole, pleaded with the Telephony Gods (TBC) and hey presto, it was fixed. I do seem to remember him muttering something about them accidently routing our telephone line through to the flat upstairs, although I'm sure they wouldn't make a little mistake like that. Any surprised readers, raise your hand now. Nobody? But I thought everybody trusted British Telecom? Either way, the good news is that I'm back online, the bad news is that it's via a dial-up connection.

Ah, 1994, long time no hear.
Right, yes, I understand, of course, I'll return your internet connection to you asap, no problem.
You're right, this is the 21st century, I really should have broadband.

Slow..... As............ Funk

I'm now going to celebrate by slowly downloading some MP3s, beating the screen as 90% of websites fail to load, pour a large drink as I naively wait for my emails to flood in without a hitch and then fall asleep on the keyboard to the sound of a million modem to phoneline bleeps. 12 long days and counting, come back Sky Broadband! All is forgiven