Wednesday, 9 April 2008

How to get signed

It must be difficult for bands. There are literally millions of them in the world, all competing for notoriety, attention and world domination, but relatively few labels out there willing to listen. Being a man completely free of any musical talent, it's not really something I'll ever need to concern myself about, but being stuck firmly on the record label side it's something I come into contact with every single day. A disappointing number of bands seem to have decided the way to get signed is to add you on Myspace and leave an arrogant "thanks for the add, we're the next big thing" comment on your page. A simple rule of thumb for me is if you can't be bothered to even write me a proper email, through a proper medium, then I don't have time for you. However, sometimes bands do take the time to write a proper email and I can't help but wish they hadn't bother. Case in point:

From: Fine 69
To: (loads and loads of labels all packed, un-ashamedly into the To field)
Date: 07 April 2008
Subject: Fine 69 - Fuckin up the world of indie

Hey, We're Fine 69 - and we think indie and emo music is old hat. The standards gone down, emo music is depressing, people want something they can jump about to, something that pleases the eyes aswell as the ears, and thats where Fine 69 come in. We're not gonna bullshit, we're emailing you cause we're a bunch of fortune hunting rogues who play dirty rock and roll and wanna get in touch with some record companies. Think AC/DC - Guns N Roses - The Wildhearts - Buckcherry.. Fine 69.

Oh my.

From: Big Scary Monsters Records
To: Fine 69 (I declined the very tempting option to hit Reply All)
Date: 07 April 2008
Subject: Re: Fine 69 - Fuckin up the world of indie

Thanks for the email Kenny but unfortunately Big Scary Monsters Records is an indie label, so we don't really want our world fucked up. Cheers for the offer though

Fine 69, if you're reading this, sorry to make an example of you. That said, judging from your wildly inappropriate list of influences (which, for the record, could be re-named Kev's list of all time most hated bands) and the fact that your email was cc'd to the best part of 200 labels, I seriously doubt you even know who we are.

This post isn't all negativity and hatred though, far from it, as I now bring you a shining example of a nice band: Mimas. In the post this morning I received the below photo, all the way from Denmark:

My only concern from this photograph is the man on the left, staring into the distance with a large rock in his hand. Once you consider what could be going through his head it puts a slightly different spin on the previously happy, now slightly axe-murder-ish grins on the others faces. Either this picture is a good band making a lovely and personal attempt at reaching out to a label they enjoy, or it's the happiest death threat I've ever seen.

Listen to Mimas... Or you're dead meat.


Anonymous said...

...I just listened to FINE 69 on MySpace.

Sweet baby Jesus... if a band that bad really, really thinks that they're going to get anywhere... what is that all about??? I mean, I just don't understand... They sound like a million other unsigned bands, all as categorically SHITE as each other. I mean, where's the energy? Where are the songs? Where's the fire? Where's the drummer's ability to hold down a groove? This whole thing is depressing as hell. BUGGER OFF, THE LOT OF YOU.

Anonymous said...

damn straight.

mimas are AWESOME. and very lovely people as well.

definately my favourite band.

(and i must stress i am saying this out of my own free will and definately not because lasse threatened to throw a huge rock at me if i didn't say something nice about them)