Good news, sports fans. I've spent the past two and a half minutes studying the names, numbers and colours (completely disregarding any sort of form or stats, obviously) of tomorrows Grand National runners and can exclusively reveal the first three horses who will be romping home to win you a fortune will be:
1. King John's Castle
2. Butler's Cabin
3. Bewleys Berry
A heavily plural selection, chosen using three important factors: One wears my lucky number, one features my middle name and one is trained by a man I saw driving down my street about a month ago.
Use this valuable information as you see fit. I'm off to Ladbrokes to see how much I can cash a small independent record label in for.
Best of British.