Tuesday, 2 October 2007

Demon facing and the future of our planet

I decided it's time to stop living in fear and made my return to the post office today, to face the wrath of the angry man after I shunned him and his kind offer of letting me sell his records for him a few weeks back. Don't get me wrong, if I had my way I'd live cowering in my nice, warm house for years without so much as laying an eye on the place, but the pile of CDs waiting to be shipped around the world kinda forced my hand on this one.
All was looking good as I set off down the road. The rain had eased off, the air was thinner than the radiator-warmed oxygen of the house and the work traffic wouldn't be seen for at least two hours yet. I even allowed myself a little song as I skillfully kept hold of the huge pile of jiffy bag packages whilst waving a friendly greeting to Next Door Geoff, un-necessarily cutting large pieces of wood in his garage, as per usual. I cruised into the Post Office, bypassed the shelves of sweets and headed straight for the counter where our eyes locked and battle commenced.
Two minutes later I was on my way again, stamps in hand and a skip in my step as my fears of being bashed to death by a giant rubber stamp, or sealed in a bag and posted to the deepest, darkest depths of Africa were unfounded; he'd clearly forgotten all about me. Either that or he'd found another poor, unsuspecting victim to bully into his old vinyl selling ways, Either way, I was unharmed and I was delighted, well, that was until I got outside. Just as I step foot outside of the shop fate dealt me a cruel reminder of how bitter life can be. A double-decker bus, absolutely packed to the rafters with what I like to refer to as "little pricks" came shaking round the corner. I glanced up, quivering with fear, as I see some hanging from the bars on the top deck, others punching their friends in the faces, there were a couple at the back playing with lighters and then there were the girls. Tiny, annoying girls as far as the eye could see, all chattering absolute nonsense at one another. The doors weren't even open but I could hear it. "and I was like 'yeah' and he was like 'so what' and I was like..." rained down on me. My head span and I started to feel dizzy. I turned and walked down the road as quickly as my little, children hating legs would carry me. In the distance I could just make out the tiny sound of a small gang swearing and discussing throwing rocks at something, or someone! I walked quicker.
Forget what they tell you, the internet is a much safer place than the real world.

1 comment:

Jack said...

Now all you have to worry about is what takeaway mogul Mr Big's gonna do to you after you shunned all his flyers!

smash you up i imagine!